Decluttering Help: What to Do When Nothing ‘Sparks Joy’
If the Marie Kondo phrase doesn’t help you decide what to keep and what to discard, try asking these 4 questions
Patricia Lee
9 April 2018
Houzz Contributor. Patricia Lee is a professional home organizer in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is the co-owner of Tailorly with her business partner Jeanne Taylor. Together they create beautiful homes through decluttering, organizing, and styling. For more information visit www.tailorly.net.
Houzz Contributor. Patricia Lee is a professional home organizer in the San Francisco... More
If you’ve heard about or read the bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo, or watched her series on Netflix, you know that her decluttering mantra is to get rid of items that don’t “spark joy.” But what do you do when you just can’t relate — when nothing “sparks joy” for you at all?
The first step is to figure out what’s actually going on behind your lack of joy sparks. One possibility is that you simply haven’t surrounded yourself with things you love and that bring you joy. If that’s the case, then practice being more selective with future purchases, slowly replacing current items only with items you truly love or need.
But a second possibility is that the phrase “spark joy” just doesn’t resonate for — meaning elicit a response in — you. Not relating to the phrase “spark joy” is understandable, and it reminds me of something that happened with my daughters when they were young. I used to tell them, “Only buy items you are in love with and can’t live without.” But I realized that this advice wasn’t very helpful to their young minds, as they took it quite literally and rejected virtually every possible purchase, since technically one could live without most things. So I changed my mantra. “If you love it and will realistically use it often, then it’s worth the purchase,” I told my daughters.
Perhaps it’s time for you to reframe and rephrase the concept of “sparking joy.” Here are four decluttering guidelines you can use instead.
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The first step is to figure out what’s actually going on behind your lack of joy sparks. One possibility is that you simply haven’t surrounded yourself with things you love and that bring you joy. If that’s the case, then practice being more selective with future purchases, slowly replacing current items only with items you truly love or need.
But a second possibility is that the phrase “spark joy” just doesn’t resonate for — meaning elicit a response in — you. Not relating to the phrase “spark joy” is understandable, and it reminds me of something that happened with my daughters when they were young. I used to tell them, “Only buy items you are in love with and can’t live without.” But I realized that this advice wasn’t very helpful to their young minds, as they took it quite literally and rejected virtually every possible purchase, since technically one could live without most things. So I changed my mantra. “If you love it and will realistically use it often, then it’s worth the purchase,” I told my daughters.
Perhaps it’s time for you to reframe and rephrase the concept of “sparking joy.” Here are four decluttering guidelines you can use instead.
Find a professional organizer near you
1. Does this item provide comfort? Sometimes when I shop for clothing online, I am drawn to purchase beautiful items that are not practical for my lifestyle — things like hats, form-fitting dresses and heels that are too high. But in my line of work, I tend to wear and re-wear wardrobe items that are both comfortable and professional. They may not even be my favorites in terms of style, yet I reach for these items daily.
For me, style and fashion used to be the priority, but these days comfort has also become a guiding principle. Once I became aware of this strong preference, I was able to get rid of many items that just weren’t working from a comfort standpoint, even though I loved the look of them.
What are the reasons you don’t wear certain items? Perhaps you have a dress that looks great on while you’re standing but that isn’t so flattering when you’re seated. Maybe your top rides up so that you have to adjust it, or your shoes hurt your feet after 15 minutes of wear. These reasons may outweigh the beauty of an item, and you could consider letting it go. Another potential reason to get rid of clothing items may be poor fit, particularly if your body has changed over time, as most of ours do.
Outside your closet, the concept of comfort goes beyond the physical aspect related to clothing and extends to items that provide emotional comfort as well. It’s OK to keep these items — perhaps an old, encouraging letter from your mom, or your favorite coffee mug, even though it’s not in the best condition. There’s probably room in your life and home for these special treasures.
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For me, style and fashion used to be the priority, but these days comfort has also become a guiding principle. Once I became aware of this strong preference, I was able to get rid of many items that just weren’t working from a comfort standpoint, even though I loved the look of them.
What are the reasons you don’t wear certain items? Perhaps you have a dress that looks great on while you’re standing but that isn’t so flattering when you’re seated. Maybe your top rides up so that you have to adjust it, or your shoes hurt your feet after 15 minutes of wear. These reasons may outweigh the beauty of an item, and you could consider letting it go. Another potential reason to get rid of clothing items may be poor fit, particularly if your body has changed over time, as most of ours do.
Outside your closet, the concept of comfort goes beyond the physical aspect related to clothing and extends to items that provide emotional comfort as well. It’s OK to keep these items — perhaps an old, encouraging letter from your mom, or your favorite coffee mug, even though it’s not in the best condition. There’s probably room in your life and home for these special treasures.
Shop for closet organizers in the Houzz Shop
2. Does this item make life easier? Many household gadgets on the market claim to make your life easier — but really, do they? My friends have given me such gadgets as a strawberry huller, corn butterer, pasta measurer and garlic mincer. While these tools certainly can be useful for specific tasks, for me hulling strawberries with a small paring knife works just as well, as does buttering my corn with a butter knife, estimating my pasta with my hands and mincing my garlic with a knife. Plus, I resent having to wash the small parts of these gadgets and find space for them in my kitchen.
As you review your kitchen, consider whether the items you own really make your life easier or are just taking up space.
Simplifying: What Items in Your Kitchen Are Just Taking Up Space?
As you review your kitchen, consider whether the items you own really make your life easier or are just taking up space.
Simplifying: What Items in Your Kitchen Are Just Taking Up Space?
3. Is this item easily replaceable? Sometimes buying in bulk results in storing items that you don’t really need. I find this is true with my office supplies. Do you have boxes of blank labels you’ve kept for years? Check that they are still adhesive, as glue degrades over time. If you purchased many No. 2 pencils for your children who are now grown, perhaps a local school or nonprofit could use these supplies. I use binder clips all the time but rarely use pushpins, yet these tools used to occupy equal space in my desk drawer. I donated the pushpins without a second thought. I don’t use them. And if I decide to in the future, they are easy and affordable to replace.
You can apply the same filter to extra towels, notebooks, hair bands, socks and other extras in your home. Similarly, if you have thousands of screws you won’t realistically ever use up, put a few in assorted sizes into a divided container and then donate the rest.
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You can apply the same filter to extra towels, notebooks, hair bands, socks and other extras in your home. Similarly, if you have thousands of screws you won’t realistically ever use up, put a few in assorted sizes into a divided container and then donate the rest.
Find storage bins and boxes in the Houzz Shop
4. Does this item bring peace or cause anxiety? Are there belongings in your house that cause anxiety or weigh you down? Your home should be a place where you can relax and recharge, so these items may not belong.
For example, do you have possessions from past relationships that prevent you from moving forward? As hard as it may be, now could be the time to remove them from your home and life. If a pile of overdue thank-you notes feed your guilt every time you see them, either complete them now and mail them tomorrow, or toss them, forgive yourself and do better next time. That knitting project you have no interest in completing falls into the same category. Appreciate the hard work and time you invested and then let it go.
How to Create a Joyful, Clutter-Free Bedroom
For example, do you have possessions from past relationships that prevent you from moving forward? As hard as it may be, now could be the time to remove them from your home and life. If a pile of overdue thank-you notes feed your guilt every time you see them, either complete them now and mail them tomorrow, or toss them, forgive yourself and do better next time. That knitting project you have no interest in completing falls into the same category. Appreciate the hard work and time you invested and then let it go.
How to Create a Joyful, Clutter-Free Bedroom
Finally, as a professional home organizer, I’d like to encourage you to release any guilt you may have about letting go of something you don’t like or, conversely, about holding on to something you may feel silly keeping. If it’s important to you and you have a place for it, then it belongs in your home.
More
What to Do When Too Many Things ‘Spark Joy’
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What to Do When Too Many Things ‘Spark Joy’
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I imagine the history & stories behind all the "stuff" is fascinating!
Yes and my mother definitely loves attention so it is all part of her plan to capture the imagination of any visitor that comes into her orbit- but at a certain point it seems a little greedy.You could easily lose one layer and still have tales to tell!Unfortunately her neighbor who is much younger and a confirmed hoarder often encourages her to buy at their local flea market one more little Quimper plate to hang with the other 20 or 30 already on the wall or one more little "charming"Staffordshire figurine to sit with all the others scattered throughout.The other side of being a collector is sometimes a bit darker and very self involved or so I have come to realize.
Keep your mom safe in these uncertain times and be grateful that she’s surround by things that bring her joy.